Penter
by Dean1301
Summary: I will probably add in some more, 'mature' content in future chapters so Keeping this rating:) Had to write something for one of my favourite OTPs
1. Chapter 1

It was a usual night in the Vic. Usual in the sense of busy, and that johnny and Danny kept making eye contact. Nancy had started to notice this. Well, shed started to notice a couple of days after she accidentally outed Johnny to their mum and dad.

Since then she'd been making hints to Johnny that he should just go for it, she wanted him to be happy after all. She went up to Johnny that afternoon and said "Look, I know you're feeling down, and mum still not coming round is really not helping, but you can't just wait, and try to please her all the time!" Seemingly being white concerned. Johnny had been fairly erratic as of late. Continuinly disappearing, then coming back, with no explanation.

"Look, just leave it Nance. I wouldn't be going through half this is it wasn't for you." Johnny said harshly, and quietly.

"Don't be like that with me mate, I've been trying to help you to make up for it! Ive even argued with mum over it!" replied Nancy, knowing that no matter what she said, it wouldn't make up for what she'd said roughly a month ago.

"Whatever." Replied Johnny, make a hasty exit from the bar and out the doors of the pub.

Nancy looked around quick and spotted Danny coming over the the bar, probably to ask for another pint.

"Same again ple-" Danny was cut off by Nancy.

"Please, just go after Johnny!" She said, concerned for her brother.

"He's not interested. Anyway, every time I've tried to be nice, he just passes me off." said Danny, and by the way is voice slightly wobbled, you could tell that it upsets him how Johnny is and has been with him.

Danny wasn't one for falling in love, but with Johnny, it was so much different then to anything else.

"He doesn't mean to be like that! With mum being how she is, he's confused! He needs to be happy, and clearly its you who will do that! He needs to know that he can't please mum all the the time. And she-"

Nancy was cut off by Linda sharply saying "She has a name Nancy. And no, Danny isn't the one to make him happy. And you're right. Johnny is confused, because he knows he actually wants that Whitney."

Johnny walked back in, visibly upset, and went behind the bar, sensing the tension.

"Mum, what's going on?" Said Johnny, worried that this was going to go tits up as usual. He really wished that Linda would let him get on with it.

"Nancy was trying to get Danny to go after you. Saying he's the one to cheer you up. Saying its who you need. But we all know that its Whitney, isn't it?" Linda said this in such an implying tone, almost demandingly.

"No mum! She's not! Mum, I'm gay, Whitney's just my friend, and that's all she will ever be!" Johnny said quietly.

"Don't be so stupid Johnny, this is all just a phase, and" turning to Danny, and back to Johnny, "you don't need him here, making you think that you're, you're like that."

Johnny had gone red with anger. "Enough!" He shouted. The whole pub went silent and stared at Johnny. He walked through to the back of the pub and upstairs. He went into his room and slammed the door. After about 20 minutes, Nancy knocked on his bedroom door, and Johnny came out, with his bags packed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Johnny, what're you doing? You can't leave where're you gonna go?" Said Nancy, sounding a bit choked up. She could only think of how she started this a month ish ago.

"I don't know," whimpered Johnny, who had been clearly crying. "But I can't stay here anymore. Not for a while at least. Not whilst," he sniffed, holding back tears "not whilst mum's being like this."

He walked down the stairs, bumping into his dad at the bottom.

"Johnny?! What are you doing, where do you think you're going?" Mick said, rather stunned, and worried.

"I cant stay here. Not with mum being like this." He said. It was really hard for him to hold back the tears now.

"Linda!" Mick shouted through to the bar.

Linda came through, saw Johnny with his bags, Nancy's worked face, and Mick's concern.

"What?" She said. Simply ignoring Johnny, pretty much looking through him.

"Tell him. Tell him you have no problem with who he is." Mick said demandingly. "I'm not having this. We are a family. We are not going to be divided by something like this. Its his life, and how he chooses to live it is up to him. There's no problem. We love him, Linda, now tell him." Mick was clearly agitated at what was going on.

Linda took a gulp. And said, "There isn't anything to say. Apart from, if you can't handle this Johnny, then you need to grow up!"

Johnny flushed red with anger. He'd never been this angry. "I cant stand this anymore!" He shouted. He turned and walked through the door into the pub.

Linda and Nancy ran behind the bar and Mick simply slumped against the wall with his head in his hands.

"Johnny! Don't!" Cried Nancy.

Danny, sitting at the bar, had heard it all, he looked over at Johnny, holding his bags, and Johnny looked straight at Danny. Johnny had tears a plenty pouring down his face.

Danny started to get a tear in his eye. Which, for him, was unusual. Why did Johnny have this effect on him?

"Don't be so daft Johnny!" Linda said. Nancy couldn't believe this! "Mum!" Snapped Nancy.

Johnny just said, "I can't handle it here anymore." And walked out.

It had gone silent in the pub. Until Danny looked at Linda and said, "You're unbelievable." Stood up, pushing the stool back, its screech breaking the silence even more, and went out the door, hurriedly after Johnny.


	3. Chapter 3

Johnny only made it so far as to the bench in the garden in the centre of Albert Square. He sat there. His mind flushed with anger, sadness, depression (which he'd hit since he came out) and, surprisingly a little bit of happiness fluttered through. Only slightly though. He had so much to deal with.

With everything going on, he wondered whether he acted to hastily and should've had gone on living at the Vic. Danny. He wondered why he had to be the one to fancy blokes. Danny.

He couldn't help but think of Danny as well. Johnny knew that if he could've just controlled his feelings, this situation would be slightly better. He wouldn't be homeless for a start. If he hasn't have fallen for Danny, then the argument in the pub tonight wouldn't have happened. After all, Johnny was mainly angry that he couldn't bring himself to admit how he felt.

He'd been sitting there with his hands over his face. He moved his hands, and burst out crying.

"Have you seen Johnny?" He heard from behind the hedge. He knew the voice. His ears pricked up.

It was Danny. Johnny's heart was going faster just by hearing his voice. And he was sure his cheeks were getting red, at least this time it was through embarrassment, not anger. Although he wasn't sure which was worse at times.

Danny ran into the garden, "Johnny! There you are! Look, I know what's going on. And, I'm seriously not trying to get anything from you. I just want to be there, to help you." Danny said, clearly concerned and worried.

Johnny had gone deeply red now. Embarrassment. Not anger. He could never be angry to Danny.

Johnny tried to make it look like he hadn't been crying by slightly dropping his head.

"I'm fine. I just, I, need to work out what I'm going to do." Said Johnny, pretty much in a whisper.

"I'll he-" Johnny cut Danny off, without thinking.

"I'm sorry." Johnny cried. He then burst out crying, which prompted Danny to walk to him and hug him. "What for?" Enquired Danny, although he knew what Johnny was sorry for, he wanted to hear him say it for the air to be clean. "I'm sorry for being a dick towards you. I, I never meant to. It just sort of, was me trying to protect myself."

Although Danny had thought he knew what Johnny was gonna say, he only knew half. "What d'ya mean protect yourself? I was going to hurt you? I never would!" Danny didn't care how he came across at this point. He just wanted Johnny to know that he cares.

"Its just... I thought I wouldn't ever go through this. I was hoping it was all just a silly phase I was going through. Then..." Johnny trailed off, leaning back a bit, but still holding onto Danny.

Johnny looked Danny in the eyes. "Then I saw you. Then you complimented me. Something I'm not used to. It's just, the way you make me feel. You.." Johnny didn't know why he was saying this, he'd always wanted to. "You make me feel safe. And loved.."

Danny just kept the hold on Johnny. Also keeping the stare.

And he simply said, "I've felt the same since I first looked at you, too."

Danny said it in such a soft, warm and loving tone. Johnny didn't think twice. He pressed a kiss into Danny's soft lips. Something he'd been thinking and wanting to do ever since the last time they were there in that garden.

Danny broke the kiss. "We should get you sorted. Where're you going to stay?" He asked, speaking in the same tone as before the kiss.

"I don't know," replied Johnny, as he slumped back down to the bench, a tear falling down his cheek. "You could, um, always stay at mine? Ive got the room, and there doesn't have to be any-" "Danny," Johnny once again cut off Danny. He really didn't care if he sounded eager, desperate. But all he knew is he wanted to be with Danny.

Johnny continued, "Whatever happened with us two. I would love. Whether it was all that. Or whether we cuddled with a cup of tea, and watched TV. I've been dying to say this, but wherever I am, I'd rather be with you..." He turned his head so he was looking up at Danny.

Danny sat down on the bench, perching on the edge. He placed a hand on Johnny's knee and gently stoked it, he looked Johnny in the eye, smirked, and simply said, "that sounds perfect to me." Danny couldn't help himself. He leant in and kissed Johnny.

And in that moment, Johnny seemed to forget his troubles. Johnny broke the kiss this time. "Can we go back to yours? Please. I'm getting a bit cold." said Johnny. Danny chuckled, causing Johnny to raise a smile, for the first time in a while. "Sure, and, let me help you with your bags."

Danny took a bag, and so did Johnny. They set off towards Danny's flat on the other side of the square.

Johnny thought he should check his phone. You know, just on the off chance that his mum or dad had tried to reach him.

He stopped in his tracks. And dropped the bag he was carrying. "What's the matter Johnny?" Danny asked.

The matter was that he had accidentally called his mum whilst he was on the park bench. He knew his mum had heard it all. He could hear her crying. "Mum," he said as he pressed the phone to his ear. "No, Johnny. Don't say anything. Don't come home. Just go." Said Linda, and hanging up.

Johnny burst out crying. He collapsed to the floor. He literally felt like his world was falling down. Danny came running over. He said nothing. He pulled Johnny up off the floor, and hugged him. Hugged him tighter then he'd ever hugged anyone.

An hour had passed by since Johnny had that conversation, if it could be called that, with his mum on the phone.

They'd made it back to Danny's and, ended up cuddling up on the couch.

Johnny looked up at Danny, giving a wry smile, moving his head from its rested position on Danny's chest. "Do, you really feel, like that, about me?" Johnny quietly asked. "Yeah. I do. Quite badly like that." Danny replied, smirking. "In fact, after all this time, I think I can say that.."

Johnny and Danny said the same thing at the same time.

"I love you."


	4. Chapter 4

About 5 hours had passed. It was 7:30pm. Both Johnny and Danny had both fallen asleep in each other's arms.

Danny woke first. He noticed Johnny still had his head resting on his chest, and he looked so beautiful and peaceful. Danny really want to disturb him, so he just lightly stroked Johnny's hair. That was another thing about him that Danny just adored. The way he kept his hair in such a fantastic condition.

Johnny slowly started to awake, but didn't move, not an inch. He really liked Danny being so caring, and gentle. Johnny knew he was the only person that really saw this side of him.

After about ten minutes, Johnny lifted his head, looked Danny in his big, beautiful eyes, and repeated what he'd last said to him.

"I love you." So simple, but it made Danny's heart melt.

"I love you too, and, I know, that you need to be at the pub for 8. If you don't want me to go over tonight, then I won't."

After all, Danny really just wanted Johnny to be able to sort it out with his mum. Not only so they could be together properly, but so that Johnny could be happy.

"No, no! Don't stay away! I want you to come over. I just love seeing you there. With your usual. Gives me hope that I might be happy." Johnny said in his husky, tired voice.

That voice just got to Danny, and he had to kiss him. He pressed his lips lightly to Johnny's.

He pulled back and said, "What really would make you happy?" He asked, although, he instantly thought he shouldn't have asked, because he could see tears forming in Johnny's eyes.

"Don't start again, please Johnny. Because you'll start me off."

"Well, apart from mum accepting me, what really would make me happy is.." Johnny paused. He'd wanted to say what he was about to for so long, but never dared to. "Would to be able to call you mine. My boyfriend. Wherever we were."

There was a slight silence. Johnny felt tears starting to appear in his eyes. He just knew he'd ruined it. He knew that Danny never could have actually cared or loved him. Johnny stood up to leave.

A split second after he'd stood up, so did Danny. Grabbing Johnny by the shoulder,and turning him around. They looked each other in the eyes.

"That would make me, extremely happy, Johnny. I'd would love it. Just as much as I love you."

Johnny couldn't help himself. He forcefully went to Danny. Knocking him to the fouch, and straddling his lap. They were passionately kissing. And Johnny was grinding his hips in a circular motion on Danny's lap.

Danny let out a moan. At the same time as Johnny bit his lip, and started kissing his neck.

Johnny removed both his and Danny's shirts, and started kissing Danny's chest, working his way down until he slipped down so he was kneeling on the floor.

He started rubbing Danny's 'prize package', as Johnny liked to call it. He could feel him growing through his trousers.

Johnny unbuttoned, unzipped and removed Danny's trousers, before pulling down his boxers, releasing what Johnny had been longing for.

It didn't take long for Johnny to start sucking him off. His head bopping up and down, whilst Danny moaned and moved, enjoying it so much.

"Johnny, I'm going to cum!" Whispered Danny. Well, Johnny had been doing a fantastic job, and left him breathless.

Johnny just looked up at Danny, and gave him the sexiest smirk Danny had ever seen, and kept going.

Soon after the smirk, Danny erupted. Filling Johnny's mouth, and covering his face.

Danny was breathing heavily. That was the best thing he'd ever experienced. Johnny gulped, swallowing what Danny had let out, and looked up at him, grabbing a spare towel that had been left beside the couch to clean himself up.

"That's a thank you," Johnny said "for letting me stay here, being so caring, doing your best to make me happy, and," Johnny had a slight pause, but carried on "being, what I imagine and am sure will be, an amazing boyfriend..?" There was a tone of questionability in his voice, as he put on his T-shirt.

"I'll politely say you're welcome when we get back after your shift at the pub, and," Danny said, as he put on his shirt, and pulled up his boxers and trousers, "I'm sure, well be the most brilliant relationship, this square has seen. Of course I'm you're boyfriend silly. I love you too much not to be."

Johnny went bright red at that, and couldn't help but smile. The biggest smile he'd had on his face in weeks. All thanks to him being a bit braver and confident with Danny.

"Come on then, to the pub. Then when my shift ends, I'll speak to mum. See if she's come round yet. And, whether she has or not. I'm telling her about us. You're one thing I don't want to hide baby, you're too precious." With that and an embarrassed smile, not believing he'd actually come out with something that cute, he grabbed Danny by the hand, and they both left the flat.

Neither of them knew that Linda's reaction and attitudes up to now, had been, half of what was to come. She really didn't want her precious boy to be in a relationship. When she was sure that this was a phase.


	5. Chapter 5

**Note 1:- Sorry it's taken a while to update. Got caught up in like, and reading fanfics for inspiration, because I'm new with this whole writing thing. I got inspiration, and what to write something that is later on, happy. Hopefully. I'm not usually aware until I stfrt writing chapters, where I'll take this. The 2nd note is important.**

**Note 2:- This does contain some depressive writing further on. Johnny is, and will for a while on further chapters suffer from depression. There is a section in this chapter, which contain self harming references. If you have a problem with this, and can be triggered. Please be aware of this whilst reading. If you think I've detailed it in the wrong way (I suffer it myself,) then please don't hesitate to use the review section to explain. And, I'm available on twitter, to be helpful. Simply ask for it, or my tumblr. I don't have a life really, so I am always here to help.**

**Now onwards with this chapter:)**

Danny locked the door to his flat, turned around and put a kiss on Johnny's cheek. "Are you sure you want to do this , straight away?" he asked.

"Yeah.. I don't want to keep this, between us, a secret. I want to be able to kiss you whenever, walking around holding your hand, and to tell you how much I love you." Said Johnny, his cheeks red as a rose. He never thought he'd be like this towards someone. Saying those sorts of things. He smiled sweetly at Danny, and returned the kiss.

He grabbed Danny by the hand and they walked away from the flat. Together.

Together. Something that both of them had wanted to be ever since they exchanged glances for the first time that day, in the launderette.

Every time they'd ever exchanged looks, Johnny had felt all the feelings refresh inside him, and, often, they made him feel slightly down, because he was being such a coward.

As Danny and Johnny walked through the square, Johnny retracted his hand.

"What's the matter?" Danny thoughtfully inquired.

"I'm just scared, Danny. I mean, mum's already being, like she is. And, I know my Dad says he's okay with it. But what if he isn't? And has just saying it, hoping I'll get over this stupid shit?' Johnny said, again, he had teary eyes.

"Look, you go ahead, I'll stop out here, have a cigarette, and come in a few minutes. If you get asked where you were, just say you went for a walk exploring the rest of the square?"

"Sounds good, I'm sorry I couldn't do this, I-'

"Johnny. I love you, and I know how hard this is on you. I've seen those, scars, on your arms. They won't happen no more. I'm here to help you now."

Danny kissed Johnny on the cheek, and indicated that Johnny should make his way, he was already twenty minutes late for work.

"Oh shit, yeah, I better go, see you in there. And thank you. You don't know how much it means. I love you." And with that Johnny hurried off.

He couldn't help but think about the fact that Danny had seen his scars. He didn't want him to. However, he knew that Danny didn't know everything to do with it. Danny didn't know how badly he was struggling with depression. Johnny moved the thoughts to the back of his mind quickly, as he entered the pub. He hurried through the door near the toilets, which lead into the back, next to the stairs.

He made his way behind his bar. Instantly Linda, made a remark. 'Nice of you to turn up. Have fun with your boyfriend?'

"Yeah, sorry I'm late, and what? I went for a walk. Exploring the square."

"Oh really? Well, Danny went quickly after you?" Linda clearly wasn't believing Johnny.

"Mum. Just let me do my job here, and drop everything." Johnny snapped angrily.

Linda just walked off, round to the other side of the bar. Whilst Johnny sighed heavily. And placed his head into his hands.

'What, you actually think you can be happy. Pfft. Like you deserve that. You're gay! You know how bad that is!' This just kept going round in Johnny's head. No one had said it to him, its just how it all felt. He felt himself drop, a pain coursed through his scars. Well, his cuts. The cuts he'd made the previous night. The ones that Danny hadn't seen. He removed his hands from his face. Danny was there.

"Finished daydreaming mate?" He said..

'Mate?' Johnny thought.. Oh yeah, they were leaving it a bit until they admitted they were together.

"Yeah, same as usual?" replied Johnny, seeing Danny nod, he proceeded to pull a pint for him.

Dannny paid, and went and sat at a table. Johnny started serving other punters, and the night carried on.

Full of disapproving looks from everyone. Well, not really. But that's how Johnny interpreted every look he got.

~~~ 11pm ~~~

There seemed to not be one sober person in the pub. Not even his parents.

The pub has turned into an impromptu party it seemed. There was no reason everyone was so happy, and partying.

Johnny started clearing up some glasses, getting asked for plenty of refills, which he took care of quickly, because everyone was tipping him quite generously.

He himself, was rather tipsy. In fact, if he had another pint, or vodka and coke, he'd be stumbling terribly badly. He preceded over to Danny who was talking to someone, Johnny didn't know who. Which rather irked him as he could see it was a guy.

Danny noticed Johnny indicate that he sit in a booth, where his pint glass was.

Johnny walked over. Not noticing his mum staring at him.

"I'm sorry I haven't said anything yet," he said in a quiet, hushed tone. "Its just, I, I'll talk about it in private with you later?" Danny smiled at him. And with a wink, showing to Johnny that he was okay with it, and simply said "Same again, handsome." With a smirk that always melted Johnny's heart.

Johnny gave a half smile, and walked back to behind the bar, with the intention to pull a pint, but instead got pulled in to the back area by a rather tipsy, or you could even go as far as drunk, Linda.

"You're really going to stand there, and jus constantly lie? To of all people, your mum?"

"What are you going on about mum?" Johnny said. Bottling up all the frustration. All the tears. He stood there, grinding his teeth.

"It's always one lie after another with you Johnny. You say him, out there, he's not your boyfriend. You say you went for a walk, and then, then there's you being gay. All you do is lie to me!"

"I don't always lie to you! You think me being how I am, is hard on you? Its worse for me! I never wanted to be like this!"

"Then why did you choose to be?!" Linda snapped back.

"I didn't!" Said Johnny. He squeezed his hand hard in anger. Forgetting he was holding the pint glass, which shattered in his hand.

"Ow!" Exclaimed Johnny.

"Brilliant Johnny, you really are just fantastic!" Linda hissed sarcastically. "Clean that up, and your hand before you come back to do your job. And stop talking to your, thing, out there."

Johnny just watched her walk off, before cleaning it up.

He took the dustpan of broken glass upstairs and set it down on the kitchen table, and started picking the bits out of his hand.

That sensation. The blood. 'No.. No..' He thought. Tears started streaming down his face. He knew what was coming. He removed a sharp, and large bit of glass from the dustpan, before dumping the rest in the bin. He looked around, searching the cupboards, and found the bandages. This somewhat familiar routine.

He moved slowly into his empty room. Shut the door and locked it. He let out a big sigh. Bursting out into tears. Before proceeding with the thing that made his memories go away. Just for a while.

~~~ 11:45pm ~~~

Blurred eyes from crying, the searing pain in his arm. The feeling of hate for himself hanging around inside himself. He thought about how deep it was on his arms. He'd cleaned up the blood, and bandaged the wounds. And hidden the glass. All he could do now, is pretend he done nothing.

He walked down stairs. He was stumbling. Not only because of the drink he'd had before the incident, or the pain. But also because throughout the time he was in his room, he was necking whiskey.

He was shaking. He went behind the bar. "Where'd you go Johnboy?" His sister asked, "I broke a glass when, um, talking to, mum. So I had to clean that and my hand up. Took extra care cleaning it, cause it wasn't a clean glass." Johnny wasn't lying, but wasn't telling her the whole truth.

"Oh okay, well last orders are coming up. Expect a rush, cause it seems that no one will want to leave!" Johnny faked a quick smile, and Nancy quickly moved off.

Every time he moved his arm, he winced because of the pain.

'You deserve it. You deserve it all. No one cares Johnny. Oh, go on look over to Danny. You think he does, don't you?' Johnny looked at Danny with these thoughts in his head. Danny looked back, with a smile. And Johnny forced one back.


	6. Chapter 6

~~~12:10am~~~

"Last orders!" Mick declared to the pub, which had thinned out a fair bit, much to the delight of Johnny, who really couldn't handle a rush. There were about twelve people left, excluding his family of course. One of which was Danny, who was completely out of it. Johnny just looked at him, with worry in his eyes.

The remaining punters rushed to the bar, and johnny was soon busy pulling pints, and pouring whiskey chasers and vodka and cokes. Linda brushed past Johnny, carrying a couple of bottles which hit into his arm. Johnny turned and held a fist to his mouth as he winced in pain. Thankfully Linda didn't notice. Not that she really paid Amy attention to Johnny at all after their last argument.

Shirley however, did notice. She had been keeping a watchful eye over Johnny ever since his mum had kicked off the first time about him being gay.

"Johnny?" Shirl whispered, "is everything okay? I noticed your little flinch there.."

"Yeah, thanks auntie Shirl, it just, um, hurts knowing she can't accept me.." Johnny replied, trailing off, hoping Shirley would believe the lie. But Shirley knew better, and she slowly went to grab his arm. Not maliciously, but gently, and caringly.

'Please, don't." Snapped Johnny in a whispered tone. Linda pulled Johnny by the shoulder into the back area, and whispered quietly, but cautiously. "Johnny, this sort of thing is serious! You can't do that to yourself! It's dangerous, and unneeded pain! You don't have to do things like that!" "I do!" "Why though? Because you're not perfect in your mother's eyes anymore?" "No. Because I'm gay!" "Johnny, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who you love. Your life, is your life. And as long as you're living it how you want, then that's fine. That's normal!" Johnny seemed to have had enough of talking. His voice raised to a much higher level. "But its not, I'm not! Being," he whispers the word, the word which is part of his life, and then goes back to the volume he'd climbed to "gay, is wrong!"

Linda made her presence known, walking into the back area, "Johnny, we're serving the last few punters through here. Do you mind helping and not shouting off about, about that!"

"Do you know what Lin-" Shirley cut off mid sentence, because she'd noticed Johnny's reaction. "Johnny, you okay?" Shirley said, in the most concerned voice. "Yeah." Johnny said, his voice cracking, and just as he finished that word, he burst into tears. He collapsed against the wall, sobbing and bawling his eyes out. "Being a bit melodramatic Johnny. And Shirley, get back out there, or you'll be cut from the rota indefinitely."

"You're nothing but a rotten bitch." Shirley said, coldly. She had no choice. She had to leave Johnny.

Before Linda walked back through she looked at Johnny. "Johnny, look, sweetheart,"

Johnny cut her off, snapping. And with his voice cracking throughout. "No. Don't even bother mum. I know, how disappointed you are. How angry you are. And don't worry, I hate myself just as much as you hate me. If that's even possible. I don't want to be like this! I hate it, I hate my life!" As he said this, he pulled himself to his feet. "I quit mum. I can't work here. I can't be here." And he turned on his heels. And ran out of the pub.

He didn't know where he was going. He just knew he had to be alone.

~~~ 1am ~~~

Johnny was in an alley. He wasn't sure where that alley was. He doesn't know why he chose that alley. It was just a subconscious thing. He didn't know that when it mattered, someone who mattered would find him. All he knew was that he hated himself. He couldn't escape what his life had become. He was sitting up against a wall in an alley. Punching the floor in anger and despair. He kept hearing his phone ring, and vibrate. He was getting calls and texts, from Danny, and Shirl. He didn't want to talk to anyone, although, he felt extremely guilty for blocking out Danny.

*Outside the pub*

"Nance! Have you seen Johnny?!" Danny asked, heavily breathing. He cared a great deal for the boy, qne Nancy could see his desperation. "No, I haven't! But I'm extremely worried about him! He doesn't usually run off for a long period of time! And considering the arguments he's had tonight with mum, it just makes it worse!" Nancy replied hastily.

"I've checked all over, from mine to the cafe and all round the back ways of the houses. I just can't.." He paused for a moment. "Right, Nance, just stay here! I've thought of somewhere else! I'll let you know if I find him!" And with that Danny ran off, stumbling. After all. He was drunk.

Out of breath and gasping for air, Danny stopped as soon as he was metres away from where he thought, no, knew where Johnny was. It was where there'd had a second encounter. He caught his breath, and turned into the badly lit alley.

"Johnny?" Danny said, emotion in his voice. You could hear that he was relieved, and that he could cry too. But he wouldn't, he needed to be strong for Johnny.

"I'm so so sorry Danny. I'm just a screw-up. My life is just fucked, and nobody cares, and I just can't anymore. I just don't want to feel like this." Johnny said, with many sobs breaking through during the comment.

Danny's heart sunk when he saw the fresh cuts on Johnny's arm. The cuts that Johnny had reopened whilst hiding away.

"Johnny. It doesn't matter. None of this, what you do, matters, of you aren't happy. You don't want to be gay," Even the word made Johnny flinch. "But there's nothing that can be done. Apart from this."

Danny bent down beside Johnny slowly, looked him in the eyes, and kissed him. "I'm gonna be here with you no matter what, and this," he indicated to Johnny's arm, "this is where we start your recovery. I won't let you do this to yourself anymore. I won't let any words hurt you. I will help you, learn to love what you are. Because you are brilliant. And I love you, no matter what happens. And you need to know, that you are not, and will never be alone.


	7. Chapter 7

Johnny and Danny walked, well more stumbled, home. Johnny thought of Danny's house as home, because at least there he knew he was loved and cared for. Although he'd only spent a little time there, there was just a warmth that pulled him in.

Johnny's arm was throbbing. Along with his head and fists. He was in a right state. His mind was racing through everything that had transpired through the course of 6 hours.

A walk that should've taken about 5 minutes, instead took around 30 minutes. The journey consisted of plenty of tripping, stumbling and stopping. Danny, although drunk, was being extremely cautious as he walked with Johnny under his arm. He concentrated on making sure he walked normally, to aid Johnny.

Johnny, still drunk but also in masses of pain,could barely walk in a straight for longer than 20 seconds.

They finally reached home, and as soon as they had gone through the front door, Johnny tripped, and fell to the floor, landing on his injured arm and banged his head on the floor.

Johnny groaned. "Ouch! Ahh, shit" he hissed whilst swapping his clutch from his head to his left arm.

"Come here Johnny," Danny said, as he crouched down beside Johnny and slowly helped him to his feet. "Into the kitchen John, come on."

Danny helped Johnny into the kitchen, where he preceded to help clean, and bandaged, well rebandage Johnny's arm. He also cleaned the wounds on Johnny's hands from where he'd fallen to the floor, and punched the wall, and he cleaned the cut on Johnny's forehead.

"Cor, right state you've got yourself into here Johnboy!" Danny said, giving Johnny a slight chuckle and reassuring smile.

"Thank you, thank you so much Danny. For caring, for actually, standing by me. I mean, look at me? Look at the state I've got into again. Its just so tough to be with me, to actually be able to-" Johnny had to stop. He had to stop before he started sobbing again. Tears rolled down his cheeks. Danny lifted a finger and stroked away some of tears.

"Its absolutely no problem. Johnny, I love you. And there's nothing I won't do to help you. But you need to promise me that you won't do this again."

Johnny looked every but at Danny, choking on the sobs that he was holding back.

"Johnny!" Shouted Danny

"I don't want to promise, because I'll only break it! Danny, please don't make me, I don't want to break a promise to you, I don't want to hurt you!" Johnny cried. Danny had also started to cry, only slightly though..

"I find it so hard, Danny, just having to go through life everyday, but if I had to go through it, knowing that I'd hurt you, or even lost you, I wouldn't be able to take it!" Continued Johnny, he was about to say more but Danny cut him off with a kiss.

"I won't make you promise, but you need to allow me to help, or at least a professional, because those cuts on your arm are bad Johnny, seriously bad! I won't say no more about it till morning. Go, have a shower. I'll put the kettle on in a bit, and we'll have some tea, and then couch and movies or sleep, its up to you." Danny said, almost in a whisper. He knew that it would soothe Johnny, and that's all he wanted to do right now.

"I really don't deserve you, you're seriously too nice." Johnny said, grabbing and pulling Danny into a hug.

"Right, go on, go clean yourself up, I'll make the teas and then we'll get to the couch, okay?" Danny said, still in a quiet tone, he had gained a headache since he'd gotten home.

Johnny simply nodded and slipped of to the bathroom to clean himself after everything that had transpired.

Danny clicked the kettle on, and sorted out the mugs. He pulled out his phone, and called the phone at the Vic..

It rang, but went through to the answering machine. It didn't surprise him because it was 4:40, so he left the message.

"Hey Nance, its Danny. I just thought you should know that I found Johnny, and he's come back to mine. Oh, and this is where he's moved out to, in case you were wonderin'. He's okay now, gone to get himself cleaned. Then we'll go to sleep. He's gonna be exhausted. Don't know if he'll be at work tomorrow, because-"

"Now you listen here. My son doesn't need you, he needs his family. And he will come to work tomorrow. If not he's sacked. You bring him home tomorrow."

Linda. It had to be, thought Danny. Linda had picked up the phone. Apparently, having enough of Danny. For some reason she doesn't like him. She doesn't want her son to be happy?

"Listen Linda, I don't know what your problem is, but you need to stop right now. You caused Johnny's state tonight. You and your ridiculous attitude towards his life! Enough is enough." And with that Danny hung up.

He took a few minutes to calm himself, whilst pouring the hot water into the mugs. He breathed deeply, grabbed the mugs and exited the kitchen.

"Don't be too long Johnboy!" Dnany shouted through to the bathroom, as he walked through to the living room.

"Oh... You weren't too long!" Dannt chuckled, as he sees Johnny on the couch, with the pillows and duvet from their bed.

Danny passed Johnny his tea, which he finished quickly, just like Danny did, and they put the mugs on the coffee table, and Danny snuggled under the duvet, with Johnny. Johnny quickly rested his head onto Danny's chest, as nothing soothed him better than the rising and falling if Danny's chest, and his heart beat.

"Johnny, we need to talk quickly about tomorrow.. And whether you're going to work or not..?"

"No, I'm not Danny! I can't, and, unless you've got plans, I thought-"

"Johnny, I had to phone Nancy to let her know, and it went to voice mail, bit after a while your mum picked up. She said, that you have to, or you'll lose your job."

"WHAT?!" Shouted Johnny, "How could this happen? Right as soon as I was feeling better, something has to come about! I just cant;! Its too much!"

"Johnny, calm down! Just, sleep now. It'll be fine! I'll go with you! All you need now is rest, and we'll sort the rest out tomorrow! I love you, and it'll be fine!"

"Okay, Danny.. I hope so.. I love you too.."

And with that, they both went to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

~~~ 7 hours later/12pm ~~~

Danny had gotten up around 12. He knew he had to get up. He downed a couple of paracetamol and downed a pint of water to try and control the hangover, and it worked. He was surprised at that, that never usually worked. He went and showered about 15 minutes after. Whilst showering, he thought about Johnny, and how he was last night. He wondered whether or not Johnny would remember everything. Danny was worried about Johnny going to work, especially after all that had transpired over the last 48 hours. Johnny had had countless arguments with his mum, moved into Danny's flat, ran off, self-harmed badly, and been an emotional wreck. Danny also thought about the fact that Johnny had done a lot of drinking over these days. 'That cant be another way he's dealing with this, is he' Danny thought. "God I hope not." Danny said aloud, and breathed a heavy sigh. He got out of the shower, dried off, and went off into the bedroom he and Johnny now shared to get dressed.

Danny emerged from the bedroom dressed in a suave, tight fitting grey suit, as he had to go off to Butcher's Joints, where he still worked. He was amazed at the fact the business went on and that he didn't lose his job after Janine got arrested. Danny thought about how he'd done some bad things, met and knew bad people, but he never thought that he'd ever work with one. Well, not work legitimately with one.

Danny walked into the living room, to wake Johnny from his sleep. He thought that after last night, Johnny would need twice as long as he needed to get ready for work.

"Johnny," Danny whispered into his ear. His warm breath cascading onto Johnny's neck. Johnny began to stir. "Come on, time to get up gorgeous."

"Nyerh." Danny couldn't help but laugh at the inaudible, disgruntled way Johnny had replied to him. He gathered that it meant 'no.'

"You need paracetamol, water, a shower, food and to get dressed then go to work. I've got to go in 5 minutes, and I want my good-bye kiss and hug at the door."

Johnny, reluctantly, but not wanting to go for a while without seeing Danny or not getting the kiss and hug that he longed for every time they were apart, pushed himself up and off the couch.

"Ahh, my head! Did it get hit with a hammer last night?! Ouch man." Johnny exclaimed as he stood up, slightly losing his balance, but regaining his composure and walking to the kitchen. He, like Danny did, gulped down a couple of paracetamol and glass of water, needing to get rid of the pounding in his head. Johnny looked down at his arm, and sighed. "I can't believe it. Thought I was done with this."

"It was just your coping mechanism, but it'll change babe." Said Danny, entering the kitchen. "And I'll help. Don't forget, you need to go to work. And, I'm now off so, come on."

Danny walked to the front door, with Johnny following behind, dragging his feet as he was still tired, however his head wasn't pounding so much. He was yet to look in the mirror, yet to see the cuts on his forehead from falling into the wall last night.

"I love you, have a good day beautiful." Johnny whispered, leaning in to bring his lips to Danny's, and then pulling back, only to bring him into a tight and warm embrace.

"I love you too, and I'll come to the Vic around 5ish, okay? Might not drink, but, a pint after work has always been my thing." Danny said, winking and then going out the door, "Good luck!" He shouted back to Johnny.

~~~2:30pm~~~

Johnny felt rather lonely in Danny's flat. He didn't like being without him. So, after he'd showered, had some toast, and gotten dressed, he put on his coat and left to go to the Vic. He figured it'd be best to have some sort of civil, or attempt at civil, conversation with his mum before he began work. However, he didn't expect much. Either another argument, or to be completely ignored. He never would have expected what was going to come.

Linda was watching from the living room window, she saw him coming across the square, and started to cry. Fake cry, that is. She had come up with a plan to get Johnny back.

"Nancy, when Johnny gets here, send him up to the kitchen please." She sniffled.

"Okay mum. Are you sure? Sure that Danny had a go at you, and was out of order to you? Because, I know he cares for Johnny and wouldn't hurt him, and by being like that to you, well Danny knows it would hurt him." Nancy replied.

"Of course I'm sure! I.."

"Hold on mum, save it for Johnny, he's here.." Interrupted Nancy.

~~~5pm~~~

"Right, mum, I'm just going to have a 10 minute break, okay? I'm going to speak to Danny.." Johnny said, a slight hint of anger in his tone.

"Okay, honey, just be careful, I don't want him getting angry with you!" Linda replied.

Johnny was trying to think of what to say when he confronts Danny but popping into the front of his mind was what his mum told him when he arrived.

### Flashback ###

"Mum? What's the matter? Why are you crying?" Johnny asked, clearly worried.

"I feel so silly, it was only, don't worry." Linda replied. But Johnny was desperate to know, he had always been close to his mum, well until him being gay got in the way. Before then they had always fronted problems together, and head on.

"No mum, just tell me." Demanded Johnny.

"Okay, fine. Last night. I waited up for you, to come home. I didn't think you'd actually leave, and then Danny called, leaving a message for Nancy, saying where you were, and I picked it up, and said that it was me, and he asked for her. I told him she was asleep. He didn't believe me. He started mouthing off at me, calling me all sorts of things, accusing me of trying to make you be something you're not, trying to stop you from living your life. I explained how I just didn't want you to get hurt by some bloke! He then went on to say how I'm an awful mother, and that I don't deserve you. That I'm a horrible person. Is that true? Do I not deserve you? Am I that horrible?" Linda finished. Crying again. She had sniffled here and there during that, but seemed to have to concentrate on what she was saying. Well, she was making it up.

"No! Of course you're not! I love you mum, you are so incredible! I can't believe he said that to you. Of all people. I'm going to have to speak to him. I'll meet him back at our, I mean his, flat. If it doesn't go well, I'll come back with my bags."

Linda just nodded, sniffing and blinking away tears. Johnny gave her a tight hug, and Linda hugged him back, turning her face, and quickly smirked deceitfully, but soon dropped back to wearing a frown on her face, as Johnny pulled back.

### End of Flashback ###

Johnny carried on walking to Danny's, after texting him telling him to meet him at the flat, rather than the Vic.

Johnny got there, unlocked the door and went in. Going to the kitchen, and getting out the whiskey, and pouring himself a glass. His good nature, and the fact he loves Danny, made him pour another glass, for when Danny got in. Johnny had never unpacked his bags, he hadn't had time, so he simply moved them to near the front door. He didn't know how this would go. He downed a couple more glasses of whiskey to calm himself, and poured another, just as Danny came through the door.

"What did you need Johnny?" He said, as he came through the door. He then noticed the bags by the door, and walked into the kitchen.

"Why are your bags there?" He queried, but Johnny handed him the whiskey, "Ah, cheers!" Danny said, with a wink.

"They're there Danny, because I'm going to have to leave. Not just here, but you, too." Johnny said, you could hear the pain in his voice, and see the tears forming in his eyes.

Johnny raised his voice to a shout, "Unless you tell me why you were so fucking out of order to my mum! You had no right! She's not an awful mother!" Johnny had never shouted that loud before. Then again, he'd never been in the middle of a conflict between two people he loved so much.

Danny was shocked, not just because of an angry Johnny, but because he'd just found out that Linda lied, and most of all, Johnny believed her? Before Danny could speak, Johnny let out a huge sigh, lowered his voice, and continued.

"I love you, Danny. But, I don't know what to say. Why would you do that?"

"Exactly Johnny!" Danny shouted. "Why would I? What do I have to gain from it?"

Johnny was taken back, he didn't expect a shouting response. However, when Danny continued, he didn't sigh, nor did he lower his voice like Johnny did.

"Of all things Johnny, you'd expect me to have a go at someone who you love? You think I'd risk this? Risk us?" Danny drank his whiskey, and dropped the glass to the floor, causing it to smash. He lowered his voice this time, but raised it for the last four words of the sentence. "That's a representation of what's happening to us. You don't believe me, our relationship, falls and breaks. We both know neither of us will be perfect or complete again. I love you Johnny, but if you don't believe me, then there's the door." With tears forming in his eyes, Danny turned away from Johnny, and walked into the bedroom, slamming the door.

Johnny leaned back on to the kitchen counter, sighed and closed his eyes, pushing his hands through his hair.

Johnny had to do some thinking to do, and so did Danny.

However, right now, they were both in their separate areas and both thinking the same thing.

"Has the best thing to happen yet, just finished?"


End file.
